Questions to Ask Your Partner to Feel Closer (100 Ideas)

Most couples talk every day, but a lot of it is logistics: who is picking up the kids, what is for dinner, whether the bill got paid. Good questions open a different kind of conversation. They help you learn something new about someone you thought you knew completely. Here are 100 questions to ask your partner, grouped from light and fun to deep and meaningful, plus a monthly check-in you can come back to.

Quick answer: the best questions to ask your partner mix light and deep: start with fun questions like "What is your favourite memory of us?", move to deeper ones like "What makes you feel loved, even on a bad day?", and use a short monthly check-in to stay close. All 100 are below.

How to use these questions

• Pick a quiet time. A walk, a slow breakfast or ten minutes before bed all work. Phones in another room.
• Take turns. One person asks, both answer. Listen more than you talk.
• Start small. Three to five questions is plenty for one conversation. Stay with the one that opens something up.
• No fixing. If your partner shares something hard, thank them for telling you before you respond.

Fun questions to ask your partner

1. What is the best meal you have ever eaten?
2. If we had a free day with no plans, how would you spend it?
3. What song always puts you in a good mood?
4. What is a small thing that instantly makes your day better?
5. Which fictional character are you most like?
6. What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?
7. If you could live in any city for a year, where would it be?
8. What is your favourite memory of us so far?
9. What did you think of me when we first met?
10. What is a skill you would love to learn?
11. What is the best gift you have ever received?
12. Which season suits you best, and why?
13. What would your perfect weekend breakfast be?
14. What is a movie you could watch again and again?
15. What is the funniest thing that has happened to you this year?
16. If we started a small business together, what would it be?
17. What is your most unpopular food opinion?
18. Where is the most beautiful place you have ever been?
19. What did you want to be when you were ten?
20. What is one thing on your bucket list we could do this year?

Deep questions to ask your partner

1. What are you most proud of that you rarely talk about?
2. When do you feel most like yourself?
3. What is something you are still learning to forgive yourself for?
4. What does feeling safe mean to you?
5. Which moment in your life changed you the most?
6. What are you afraid of that you have never told me?
7. What does a good life look like to you?
8. Who has shaped the way you love?
9. What do you need more of right now?
10. When did you last feel truly rested?
11. What is a belief you have changed your mind about?
12. What do you wish people understood about you?
13. How do you know when you are overwhelmed?
14. What would you do if you were not afraid of failing?
15. What does success mean to you now, compared with five years ago?
16. What part of your childhood do you want to carry forward?
17. What part of your childhood do you want to leave behind?
18. What makes you feel loved, even on a bad day?
19. What is something you have always wanted to ask me?
20. What are you grateful for today?

Questions about your relationship

1. What do I do that makes you feel most cared for?
2. When do you feel closest to me?
3. What is one thing I could do more of?
4. What is one thing I could do less of?
5. How do you like to be comforted when you are upset?
6. What is a tradition you would like us to start?
7. What do you think we do really well as a couple?
8. What is something we used to do that you miss?
9. How do you like to reconnect after an argument?
10. What does quality time with me look like to you?
11. Is there anything you have been wanting to tell me?
12. What is a challenge we have got through that made us stronger?
13. How do you feel about how we split the load at home?
14. What is a small habit of mine you secretly love?
15. When do you feel most appreciated by me?
16. What would make our weeknights feel better?
17. How much alone time do you need, and do you get enough?
18. What does romance mean to you now?
19. What is something new you would like us to try together?
20. What are you most looking forward to with us?

Relationship check-in questions

A short check-in once a month keeps small things from becoming big ones. Choose a regular time, make a cup of tea (our white chrysanthemum tea is calming and caffeine-free) and work through these ten.

1. What went well for us this month?
2. Was there a moment you felt disconnected from me?
3. Is there anything unresolved you want to talk about?
4. How are you feeling about work, health and energy right now?
5. What is one thing I did that you appreciated?
6. What is one thing you need from me next month?
7. Are we making enough time for each other?
8. Is there anything coming up that is worrying you?
9. What is one thing we could do together next month?
10. On a scale of one to ten, how connected do you feel, and what would move it up by one?

Keep it from turning into an argument: speak about your own feelings rather than your partner's faults, stop if either of you is too tired, and end by naming one thing you appreciate about each other. Writing your answers in a shared journal, such as our Wellness and Reflection Journal, lets you look back and see how far you have come.

Questions about the future

1. Where do you see us living in five years?
2. What does a perfect ordinary day look like in ten years?
3. What is a trip you want us to take together?
4. How do you want our home to feel?
5. What does retirement look like to you?
6. What role do you want family to play in our lives?
7. What is a goal you want me to support you with?
8. How do you want to spend our money: saving, experiences or things?
9. What is one thing you want to be doing more of in a year's time?
10. What would you like our weekends to look like?
11. How do you want to celebrate our milestones?
12. What kind of friends do you want around us?
13. What does growing old together look like to you?
14. What do you want to learn together?
15. What do you hope people say about us?

Questions for when you feel disconnected

If things have felt distant, start gently. These questions are an invitation, not a test. For more on finding your way back to each other, read our guide on how to reconnect with your partner.

1. How have you really been lately?
2. Is there something weighing on you that you have not said?
3. What has felt hard between us recently?
4. When did you last feel close to me?
5. What is one small thing that would help you feel more connected?
6. Are you getting enough rest?
7. Is there anything you feel I have not noticed?
8. What do you miss about how we used to be?
9. What is something you appreciate about me that I might not know?
10. How can I support you this week?
11. Do you feel heard when we talk?
12. What would a good evening together look like right now?
13. Is there anything you need to let go of?
14. What is one thing we could stop doing that would make life lighter?
15. What would you like to try together to feel closer?

Going deeper together

Questions are a great start, but some conversations are easier with a little guidance. Our A Mindful Date is a private two-hour experience at Mirosuna in South Melbourne where you are guided through reflective, conversational and playful practices designed to help you be present with each other ($385 per couple). If you would rather rest side by side, try a private couples sound meditation (1.5 hours, $385).

Mirosuna is at 18A Ross Street, South Melbourne. To book, please email hello@mirosuna.com or use the enquiry form.

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask your partner?

Mix light questions (favourite memories, dream trips) with deeper ones (what makes you feel loved, what you are afraid of) and questions about your relationship (what you do well together, what you miss).

How often should couples do a relationship check-in?

Once a month works well for most couples. It is regular enough to catch small issues early, without feeling like a performance review.

What are deep questions to ask your partner?

Questions like "When do you feel most like yourself?", "What makes you feel loved, even on a bad day?" and "What do you wish people understood about you?" invite honest, reflective answers.