The first months with a new baby are one of the most vulnerable times in a woman's life, and mindfulness is one of the simplest ways to protect your mental state through them. This guest post is written by my childhood best friend, Patricia Sequeira, who found that out the hard way after the birth of her daughter Jaya. Patricia shares what she did not expect, what nearly broke her, and the five small practices that helped her find her feet. The rest of this article is in her words.
What nobody told me
There were so many things I did not expect. The day three blues. How shocking sleep deprivation really is. The way I would become emotionally attached to breastfeeding successfully. With each new challenge it became clear that I needed to protect my mental state, because as a new mum you are in such a raw place. In the beginning my mind never switched off. I was busy worrying about how to look after this new little human, and myself, and the household, and it all became overwhelming.
By bringing mindfulness into my everyday life I can now recognise when I need a break. Parenting shows you your limitations again and again. For me, the lesson was my desire to control everything. Through a little mindful awareness I have been able to begin to surrender that need.
The night I broke
I had real struggles with breastfeeding: repeated bouts of mastitis, six weeks of exclusive pumping, and a tongue tie release for Jaya. I knew giving up would probably make life easier for both of us. But something in my gut said this was a challenge I was willing to face.
There was one horrendous night when she was on and off the breast between one and four in the morning, and I finally broke. The next morning something inside me said keep pushing, but something had to change. So I surrendered. I stopped trying to control the outcome and made sure that however she needed to be fed, I was ready to do it. Many months later, breastfeeding is easy, and it is because instead of giving in to the mental strain, I made plans around it.
Why self-care matters so much now
Self-care is essential in a world where the pressure to perform as a mother is stifling. I truly believe that embedding small, realistic mindfulness practices into your day can lift some of the heavy expectations we place on ourselves. We need to see ourselves outside the perfect-motherhood lens, because none of us fit the mould, nor should we.
A dedicated practice is hard with a baby you are still getting to know, but there are ways to create space to grow and breathe every day. Before you start, write down your intention. What are you hoping to get from this? Mine is to drown out the external noise that influences me as a parent, so I can hear my own intuition more clearly.
Five mindfulness tips for new mamas
1. Disconnect from social media
I joined mothers' groups on Facebook and would spend hours reading what other mums were doing with babies the same age as mine. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Once I disconnected, not only did I have more time, I was actually learning about my baby and her own quirks and character.
2. Be present
It is so easy to sit on the floor with your baby and run through the washing, the vacuuming and dinner in your head. The truth is that the chores get done eventually. When you are genuinely present with your baby or your partner, you notice things you simply cannot see from the hamster wheel in your mind. Watch how they play with a toy, the sounds they make, the look in their eyes as they feed. It is true magic.
3. Take some time away from your baby
This is hard for many women. It was hard for me, because my mother never took a break. She has five daughters and worked tirelessly, always. So when I ask for a break with just one daughter, guilt creeps in. But I can promise from experience that I am a much more joyful person to be around after a little time out. When Jaya has her first nap of the day, I sit on my bed for ten minutes and meditate. Nap time is precious, but the dishes can wait. On days when that is not possible, the next best thing is a walk. Bubs gets to marvel at the trees and your body gets moving.
4. Make an appointment
Pump or prepare a bottle and get out of the house. My first goal was morning tea at my sister's or my mum's once a week, without the baby. I also see an acupuncturist regularly. Even wandering a shopping centre, going to the gym or a coffee date counts. When you get back you will be so excited to see your baby. Parenting really is around the clock, so two or three hours a week reminds you of who you are as a woman.
5. Write down affirmations
This refocuses your energy on what is truly important to you. Affirmations are easy to repeat when parenting starts to feel relentless, or simply to shift your energy back towards joy. Say them with conviction.
When you are ready to go further
There will come a time when you feel a shift, and books, apps and blogs like this one will not be enough. That is when you need a teacher or a class that can take you further. When you are ready, you will know.
A note from Sally
Trish is kind, intelligent and strong, and her story shows that no one is immune to the days when we want to throw in the towel. I am so proud of the woman she has become. If you are a new mum looking for that next step, our class timetable let you practise from home while bubs naps, and a sound meditation session at the studio is a beautiful way to spend one of those appointments away from the baby. If you are still pregnant, our pregnancy massage is a gentle place to start looking after yourself early. For simple breathing practices you can do while feeding, read our guide to breathwork, and for more honest words from a mum who has been there, see how to overcome mummy guilt.